Friday, March 4, 2011
Anyone not able to join us at church today - here are some thoughts about Marlene! by Tracy Bach on Saturday, February 26, 2011 at 10:18am Dr. Joyce Brothers wrote - when you look at your life - the greatest happiness's are family happiness's. The happiness's of our lives have been underscored ten times because we were a part of Marlene's family Marlene was hard working. She often worked three waitress jobs at a time to take care of herself and everyone else. She paid her bills and made sure she had money tucked away to help someone out of their emergenciescars in snow banks, doctor bills, food, car repairs, rent, house repairs, she covered them all for each of us at some point Her home was open to anyone that needed a place to stay - if it was for a two hour escape, one night - a week or permanently, she offered a warm bed, food and an open door. The church was an important part of her life. Lent and spring time always makes me think of her - because of the beautiful way she gave hope and encouragement to those who crossed her path Each lent, we made it a point to attended the living Stations of the Cross She encouraged everyone to attend the healing mass with her - not just to pray for her healing but for ours too. She taught importance of the serenity prayer - to understand life and choose what can be changed. That there were no right or wrongs and whatever happened, she would be there to catch you if you stumbled. Marlene never judged anyone by how they lived their life. She always looked beyond a person's weaknesses and mistakes and encouraged everyone to do the same. We loved taking adventures - Friday night fish fries during Lent The country music fest at Verona Beach and the sun burn we got that day. I can see her sitting in her sun chair with her feet in the water - red faced and the heat from the sun scorching our shoulders. There were actually many days of sunshine at the beach. It was our way to relax, read and watch the world go by. We took trips to Saratoga Racetrack with Kitty and then out for dinner. We didn't bet on the horses, it was a day out with the girls. We enjoyed watching the people and talking. There were ladies nights with Mother Mary who protected Marlene and me from the evilness of men and alcohol There were shopping adventures to Doyle Knower. I wondered when I stopped in New Hartford Shopping center the other day - if Marlene and I had ever stood in that spot together As the years went by and my job required me to travel on my own, I loved to find the perfect gift to bring back to Marlene. I knew it did not have to be anything big; all it had to be was something to let her know her spirit lived within me and she had made that trip too. Life's milestones were important to Marlene. As a single mother she was proud to see her family grow into the beautiful women she knew we could be. She celebrated: Being able to provide Mary the wedding of her dreams Watching Marlene graduate from nursing school Shirlee graduate from MVCC and Utica College Shannon graduate from Cosmetology school And me from HCCC and Utica College She celebrated the day Adrianna was born and she became a great grandmother. She continued to rejoice in Adrianna's life and her milestones were what gave Marlene the strength to face her illness each day Adrianna's first words Her first steps first day of school Each birthday and first dance recital Were all viewed by Marlene as miracles in the life god had given her even though she was no longer able to celebrate with the same passion she once had. The kitchen table was the center of her home and her coffee some how made you understand everything These were usually - no boys allowed visits - except for Don - and when the conversation got too embarrassing or silly - he would leave on his own - no doubt realizing that life as a man really is less complicated than the lives of six women all full of a passion for life. At that table, we discussed good times, bad times, issues of the world, our hopes and dreams, and then there were boys, men and more menShe always provided her support. Her opinion was given only upon request. Everything was solved by the time we reached the bottom of the coffee pot and life called us away until next time. Family dinners and holidays were also important to her. She could not always be there on the day -because after all, most holidays mean big business in the restaurant industry - but she made it a point to be sure we celebrated within the week. Corned beef and cabbage on St. Patrick's Day Thanksgiving dinner where everyone was invited who did not have a place to go Cookie baking and frosting for Christmas Baked ham and beans for Easter Cream Cheese Frosting Apple pies for fall Bread pudding Spaghetti sauce Pie crusts These are the things in my recipe box with Marlene's name on them. But I am missing the key ingredient - the love she put into everything she made. She taught us to go beyond the traditional definition of family. She encouraged us to create our own family - full of love and support. She never ignored the need for painful honesty within families but wanted us to be sure the message was delivered with good intentions and not to make someone feel degraded. Over the last few years, our family grew again with the addition of Kathy and Alisa. The care they provided to Marlene and their gentle ways gave Mary, Marlene and Shirlee the ability to carry on when they could not be at their mother's side. The focus on family is the part of Marlene that will live within me each day. When my life gets complicated and I have trouble understanding why my sisters and friends are making the choices they are - I take a breath and ask myself how Marlene would look at the situation and what positives she would focusing on. Desmond Tutu said - You don't choose your family - they are god's gift to you as are you are to them. I will be forever thankful for the gift of Marlene.
